Sma' Talk Wi' T

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Carrot Juice Is Murder – Give Peas A Chance

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Switzerland should adopt the Canadian band, Arrogant Worms’ song “Carrot Juice Is Murder” as their national anthem. With the latest changes in their constitution in Switzerland, decapitation of wildflowers by a roadside is now considered a crime. How can that be? Well, the Swiss government has now determined that all plants have moral dignity and should not be killed. Michael Cook of Mercurator Net gives us the scary news.

The Swiss are amongst the best educated people in the world, but they are about to be educated even further. Prospective dog owners will have to pay for and complete a two-part course on the theory and practice of dog ownership. Anglers will also be required to take a course on handling fish with dignity.

The Swiss are pioneers in this field. In 1992 Switzerland was the first country in the world to begin to phase out battery hens. Since then the law has become even tougher. In 2006, for instance, a researcher was forbidden to give thirsty monkeys a drink of water because a reward mechanism to get them to carry out a task was deemed harmful to their dignity.

And if that is not absurd enough, it now seems possible that the ever-expanding boundaries of non-human dignity will include plants.

The Swiss Constitution requires respect for “the dignity of creation when handling animals, plants and other organisms”. The body in charge of interpreting this Delphic phrase, the Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology, has just released a discussion paper about the dignity of plants. In due course its astonishing conclusions could become law.

Amongst them is that “decapitation of wild flowers at the roadside without rational reason” is essentially a crime. In fact, the committee was unanimous in its agreement that any “arbitrary harm caused to plants[is] morally impermissible.” Genetic modification of plants would be permitted — but only if their “independence”, including their reproductive ability, is ensured. This could mean, for instance, that producing sterile roses or seedless fruit would become an offence under Swiss law.

None of this is a joke. The world’s leading science journal, Nature, recently reported that Swiss biologists are worried. Funding for their work might get cut off if they offend the dignity of plants.

Switzerland’s passion for the dignity of all creatures great and small, however, rings hollow in view of its treatment of human beings. It is one of the few countries in the world where assisted suicide is legal. The best-known agency for DIY euthanasia, a Zurich-based group called – what else? – Dignitas, recently opened its thanatorium in the same building as Switzerland’s biggest legal brothel. Surely that violates one of the numerous provisions in the constitution guaranteeing human dignity. As it is now, there seems to be about as much bureaucracy involved in killing a Swiss goldfish as there is in killing a human being. (Special chemicals are required since flushing fish down the toilet has been deemed undignified.)

The poor, befuddled Swiss have clearly lost the plot on what dignity is and who is entitled to it.

This is what happens when the world gets led down the primrose path to socialism and liberalism. Plants deserve more dignity and respect than human life. People are the problem.

In fact, I’m sure if environmental whackos have their way, the Arrogant Worms’ lyrics will be on Al Gore’s lips at every fundraising speech he gives. Click on the video and sing along with the Worms…

Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale. I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail. Vegetables live in oppression, served on our tables each night.

This killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight.

Salads are only for murderers, coleslaw’s a fascist regime.
Don’t think that they don’t have feelings, just cause a radish can’t scream.
Chorus:
I’ve heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (and that’s a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables go)
It’s time to stop all this gardening (it’s dirty as hell)
Let’s call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade is a spade)
I saw a man eating celery,
so I beat him black and blue.
If he ever touches a sprout again,
I’ll bite him clean in two.
I’m a political prisoner, trapped in a windowless cage.
Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, This is my finest hour,
I’d kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower.
Chorus
How low as people do we dare to stoop,
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup?
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes
Let potted plants free, don’t mash that potato!
I’ve heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stirfry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet slob)
How do you think that feels? (leave them out in the field)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (V8’s genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (yes, your composts are graves)
It’s time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame)
Let’s call a spade a spade (is a spade, is a spade, is a spade, is a spade…..

I’m going to rebel against the insanity and start eating more vegetables. In fact I think I will have a large salad with my dinner vegetables when I go out tonight.

Thanks PLO for the heads of lettuce up!

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Written by smalltalkwitht

May 6, 2008 at 5:56 pm

2 Responses

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  1. LOLOLOL Thank you T. Funny one.

    Anonymous

    May 6, 2008 at 6:29 pm

  2. Makes sense to me. The Swiss have always been strange. They have brothel’s where women sit in a show window like a Store here and advertises herself. She gets so many minutes then the next one gets a turn. Etc. Entire streets are like that. We should get on that bandwagon and then we would have something to do with all the strip malls that went out of business. That would put a NEW MEANING to the words, “Strip Mall.” They have had abortion for many more years than any other country. There was that famous case years ago, when an American woman went to Switzerland for an Abortion. There was talk that she should be prosecuted. It didn’t go anywhere. They have euthanasia. It is a death culture to humans, why not celery? But the Swiss never enforce their laws so I’m not worried about their peas. LOL

    Anonymous

    May 6, 2008 at 11:24 pm


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